1. We all want happiness. Happiness is a state of mind, during our journey of life. We need to achieve it in our daily life. It is not the goal of our life, which we will discover in the end.
* Mathematically, Happiness = (Number of fulfilled desires)/(Total number of fulfilled and unfulfilled desires). How can we increase our happiness? Increase the numerator or decrease the denominator.
* Oriental philosophy is: Be contented always and cut down the number of unfulfilled desires.
* In the West, the philosophy is: To be happy, work hard and achieve, your desires. If we can satisfy more desires, we will be more happy in life.
The key words are: Acceptance, Imperfections, and Expectations.
2. A friend, sibling, spouse, or an in-law can embarrass a person in public or in private over a minor issue: a missed etiquette, imperfect table manners, slouchy gait, laziness, monetary issues, and non-conformity with prevalent social norms. The victim is hurt, and keeps quiet; but remembers the incident for ever and is mentally perturbed.
3. Acceptance means:
(a) Accepting the imperfect behavior of a friend, spouse, or sibling as a
Just imagine what it would be like to really, truly know someone: to understand what makes a person tick, to recognize another’s strengths and foibles, to walk around in someone else’s skin. Well, the more I think about this, the more horrifying the idea becomes. In many ways I hardly know myself as I discover secrets and mental meanderings, hidden talents and special weaknesses each minute of the day. Every moment is an adventure as I learn and discover something new about my internal tickings, I cannot envision the psychological overload that would come with knowing someone one else in a 100% capacity. And thus the proposal that we really just know an outline of another person, but why is this so?
First, every experience every day is unique to the individual. Two friends may be at the same place at the same time to observe an event, but each will interpret the sight based on personal outlook, experience, and interpretation. This is one way to explain how two children born into the same family, with the same parents and genetic background can be
You meet a really great man and you feel an instant bond between the two of you. As each day passes, you can just feel the attraction between you and you know that this relationship is definitely different. While you feel more and more drawn to him, you being to notice a problem that eats into you – he continues to treat you as a friend.
There are times you see that spark in his eyes and there are times at which his actions tell you that you are special. However, most of the time, you are treated as just a friend. Or it could be that he goes to the point of telling you that he loves you, but when it comes to actions, you are not treated as a lover, but just as friend.
You spend a lot of time wondering why he might be treating you this way, and you try to justify his actions and your reactions. Well, there are some reasons why a man might treat you as a friend and not as a lover.
Man is a social animal. Is he scared of loneliness? A social get-together is no cure for loneliness. We often feel lonely in a crowd. We are all faceless entities, after death. Even God is faceless. Within a family, we may know the names of our grandparents, but most of us don’t know the names of our great-grandparents. Millions of Kings have reigned all over the earth, since evolution of man-kind. Who remembers them? They all are faceless entities. Socializing within humanity implies interaction between two imperfect persons. It is vulnerable to ego clashes, separations, divorces, and frequent changes. Socializing with God is more fruitful, as He will always hold our hand, under all circumstances.
Faceless social entities
Man is a social animal.
He is a scared animal, as a lonely person.
Is a social person, less lonely?
Loneliness is an intangible feeling.
A social person is often lonely in a social get-together.
A not-so-social person, if alone, is self-reliant and less lonely.
The issue is not: whether a person is social or unsocial.
How to Turn an Unhealthy Relationship Into a Healthy Relationship
Falling in love feels like soaring with eagles, but an unhealthy relationship can bring you crashing to the ground. We’ve all been there a time or two. In the beginning, you love each other so much that the whole world glimmers and glows. But this perfection soon gives way to ups and downs, even in a healthy relationship.
Sadly, many couples break up as that romantic high wears off, leaving them with the reality of real love. They let normal relationship issues tear them apart rather than bring them closer together. Obviously, a healthy relationship can’t develop without two people determined to stay together.
There’s no way around the truth: Relationships require work. No two people are alike, and sometimes differences create painful misunderstandings. Moreover, people make mistakes. No matter how good the intentions, both partners in a relationship will mess up from time to time. If you want to turn an unhealthy relationship into a healthy relationship, prepare to face these realities.
The tips below will show you how to rekindle love and turn a bad
TEMERITY of life is always taxing. The audacity of God to plunge us into situations that would have us scramble for a response that might work. And so patient is our Lord that he bears us every minute until we suddenly and finally realise “this is not working.” Oh, there will be many of those revelations! And they gut us and tire us…
A friend reminded me of the story where Jesus appeared to the disciples after the resurrection (John 21). They were frustrated in having fished all night without getting a single fish. Ahead of them, there Jesus stood, on the beach, as they returned. He asked them what they had caught, knowing they had caught nothing. He was calm; they were spent, physically and emotionally. Jesus simply said, literally, “Cast your net to the right side of the boat and you will find fish.” Interesting that he said “right (Greek: dexia) side” and “you will find” fish. It illustrates two important points.
“Cast your net to the RIGHT SIDE of the boat and you will FIND… “
IMPORTANCE is relative. The counsel of the years tells us that what we think is worth getting upset over now we will probably laugh about in a decade. Yet those things that might concern us a decade from now, as we look at them now, confuse us as to exactly how to handle them.
The counsel of the years speaks into our speaking – we say too many things that are false, ill-considered, unguarded, and panicked by comparison to the calm deliberation the years give us.
The counsel of the years gives us perspective regarding our hurts. Those betrayals we must bear, those where it is one person’s perspective versus another’s, are the betrayals that will betray our sensibilities for reason. But it takes a few years of contemplation to arrive at the fuller maturity of truth.
The counsel of the years provides reason to exercise grace whenever we can. We begin to see that everyone – in general terms – is trying their level best. The only ones who aren’t are those who aren’t trying at all. With people who are committed to their worldview
“THEY don’t like me!” That was how I would so often think when I was in school. “They don’t approve of what I do,” is also another thing I imagined my managers doing, when I was in the workplace, especially when I was young and in the party scene. “They don’t like what I write,” is sometimes a refrain that goes through my head when friends ‘ignore’ what I do. But all of these attitudes demonstrate cataclysmic assumption.
People’s perceived distance is generally nothing to do with us, ourselves.
Our perceptions, riding on the coattails of assumption, wear what our imaginations dress themselves in. And yet our minds have the capacity to check for truth (2 Corinthians 10:5).
Here are only twelve reasons we might be wrong about why people appear distant:
1. They have their own problems we don’t know about. They may not share, not because they don’t trust us. There are dozens of reasons why they may not be able to share. Pray for them.
2. They don’t have the energy. They may want to engage with us, but fear they don’t have the capacity to give what they want to the conversation.
In a relationship were each person is at the same level, one person is not going to see themselves as being above the other. This is not to say that each person is at the same level materially, for instance, but this is not going to affect the amount of respect they have for each other.
As a result of this, this is not going to be a relationship were any kind of abuse takes place. If one person is not doing very well in a certain area of their life or if they are going through a bad patch, they are not going to be looked down upon.
The other person may ask them if they can do anything to help or simply be there to listen to them. Through this, they are not placing themselves above the other person; they are just being present.
If one person’s life is on the rise or they have recently achieved something significant, there will be no need for the other person to place them on a pedestal. Even if this causes them to experience jealousy or
If one was to think about someone they appreciate, there is a strong chance that they will end up feeling ‘good’. Yet, if they were to think about someone who presses their buttons, for instance, they are unlikely to have the same emotional experience.
And when they feel good, there is not much chance of them wanting to blame the other person for how they feel. However, this is not necessarily going to be the case when it comes to the emotional experience they have when they don’t feel this way.
Human beings want to feel good, and as a result of this, they will often go out of their way to experience pleasure. So when one spends their time around someone who they enjoy being around, they are not going to tell the other person to change their behaviour.
This may happen if they were to change and one no longer felt the same way around them. But in most cases, they are not going to have the need to tell the other person to ‘stop making me feel this way’.
Right when it seems that everything is on the right track traveling down the river of life at a safe but progressive speed, befuddlement and confusion tend to enter the drift. It may be a sudden decision that arises seemingly without warning, a change in the current upon which a family flows, or simply an idiosyncrasy of the moment. Some heal or adjust course almost immediately, others wait for the rapids, and some just never get with the same direction again, selecting a dead-end, no end channel to nowhere. Each brings change and challenge, growth and development of the individual’s heart and soul.
A sudden decision can toss befuddlement into the scene. My nephew recently exited an unhappy marriage. Although he is my nephew and so my prejudice may be obvious, it seemed like his ex-wife just did not enjoy the thrill and excitement of trying new things, going new places, and meeting new horizons. She definitely did not like her current life. And so after several years of attempting love, she left, moving back to her home state, taking the children, and leaving
ASKING God, “What shall I write?” is a question anticipating an answer. It doesn’t take long to come.
On my birthday I ask this and this is the inspiration I’m given: “Write to those you love, and who love you.”
So, it’s a letter… a letter titled, EVERY MAN’S BIRTHDAY WISH:
Oh dear family, friends and neighbours all over the world,
I am grateful for the relationship God has blessed me to have with you. Thinking of you now makes my heart glad and my soul rejoice. I know we have occasionally not seen eye to eye, but look at us now; we survived. And still because of the times we couldn’t agree, look at the trust that we, together, nurtured as a result. I thank God for the intimacy between us, even if it sometimes seems I’m not close to you.
To my daughters, I have always feared dying without telling you how I feel about you. On my birthday I’m mindful I have the perfect opportunity for a fresh instalment. I know you have your own lives now, so I’m so grateful for the time we
The British Medical Journal (BMJ) has released a historical study that shows men are far more likely to engage in senseless high risk behaviors than women. They start out looking at the cause of past admissions to emergency rooms for the males. “Males are more likely to be admitted to an emergency department after accidental injuries, more likely to be admitted with a sporting injury, and more likely to be in a road traffic collision with a higher mortality rate.” These historical figures place male risk taking much higher than the females, so it’s exclusively a male trait.
The authors discuss the possibility that these behaviors might be determined by social or cultural differences. But, since they noted that high risk behaviors of males are reported at an early age, they conclude that this may be genetic in origin. They mention many studies to confirm this. However, they don’t discuss the differences within the males. I think that socioeconomic status might have some influence since poverty may be correlated with higher risk taking.
Their definition of idiotic risks are really senseless risks, “… where the
I mean, how could answering a simple text message ruin your life?
I know you’re thinking you can handle the heat. In fact, you might even kind of enjoy it when your Ex texts you saying they miss you and you just ignore them. It feels like sweet revenge. Here they are, trying to get in touch with you after you caught them lying and cheating, and you’re able to keep them in the hot seat, wondering if you’ll ever give them a second chance.
Admit it. It feels good, doesn’t it? To think they’re beginning to regret their poor choices?
I remember those days. Even back before I learned about the concept of going No Contact, I would block my Ex from being able to contact me. Then, after a day or two I would unblock him. Then I’d just ignore him when he’d try to call or text.
I’d go on like that for days at a time, thinking I possessed progressively epic degrees of power the longer I held out. I just knew that if I ignored him
“Take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived.”Chris Cleave, Little Bee
How much of life have you survived so far?
Are any of the survival moments scars on your skin or on your heart or do you wear them proudly as a tattoo, a story your body doesn’t hesitate to tell?
One night at dinner my son brought home a friend from school. We had amazing food and amazing conversation and as it is when lots of boys get together we got to talking about injuries and scars. The boy stood up and said, “Oh have I got scars to show you.” For the next 20 minutes he proceeded to show us all of his scars, the ones that were allowable to show, and we were all riveted to hear the stories and see the proof. He smiled proudly through it all and he just as proudly knew that life wasn’t finished with him yet, that there would be a lot more scars to talk about as he got older.
WALKING through the car park I held back tears. An event had just impacted me – an event I was drawn up into – one that swept me up in its current and took me, for a while, downstream. And it lasted all of fifteen fleeting yet eternal seconds.
Picture this scene, at a bustling café, adjacent to a busy road. Here’s the story:
SHEER terror at the realisation that his mother had left him, the six-year-old tore past me, bellowing “Mummy, Mummy… ” out of the café complex, heading for the road. He being hysterical, I could not be sure he would stop short of the traffic, so I ran the fifty feet between us, shouting “It’s okay, I will help you find her.” He stopped and turned and appeared instantly relieved. I invited him to take my hand and he did. As the fear subsided and he began wiping his tears, there was still a great air of doubt in him. We walked straight back into the café, at which point a staff member handed me my coffee. I quickly debriefed the staff
When one has a friend who they connect with, it is going to come down to the fact that they enjoy being in their company. This doesn’t mean that they are ‘perfect’, but they are going to be ‘perfect’ for them.
If one was to take a closer look at why they enjoy being in their company, they may start to think about how they have certain things in common and they may have a similar outlook when it comes to different parts of their life. In this sense, what they have in common plays an important role in their friendship.
However, this doesn’t mean that they always agree or that they enjoy doing the same things. So while there are likely to be differences; what they have in common will be part of what allows them to maintain the connection they have.
One may have maintained a close relationship to people they have known since their childhood years, and they may say that old friends are the best friends.
As a result of this, not only will they have things in common and a
While there are some people who embrace their inherent vulnerability, there are others who do everything they can to come across as invulnerable. This is not to say that these are the only options available, as there are likely to be people who alternate between the two.
There will then be moments where they will be able to be authentic and moments where they will cover up how they truly feel. How they behave can all depend how they feel, who they are with and what the context is.
When someone doesn’t feel the need to hide what is really going on for them, it will allow other people to feel connected to them. This is because they will be able to relate to them, and this may also encourage them to open up.
Through this, one’s need to experience intimacy will also be fulfilled and their relationships are going to be more fulfilling as a result. It will be important for one to share what is going on for them with the right people though.
If one has come to see that they can trust someone,
I spent a good part of my life teaching English to Second Language Learners, schooling them in reading, writing, and how to speak English. I also devoted long hours outside the classroom supporting these same students on how to successfully maneuver the trials and tribulations around life issues that caused them deep struggle and emotional upheaval in their family unit.
At the time, I did not realize this would not be a lifetime career for me. Instead, another door opened where I would serve couples, particularly women struggling to survive in their broken relationships and often times on the verge of divorce.
I became an entrepreneur, ready to make a difference, passionate in saving committed long- term relationships, bringing out the best in the couples I coach.
What I didn’t think about was the long hours that it would take to pursue a successful business and how it would interfere with my personal time with my husband. I also had no idea that there would be a considerable learning curve involved in bringing a business up to speed in order to become a successful entrepreneur.
Even though a woman wants to be in an intimate relationship, it doesn’t mean that this takes place. However, while there will be some women who realise that this is because they fear intimacy, there are going to be others who are unaware of why they are unable to experience it.
In the first case, they may believe that it is because of what is taking place within them, and in the other case, they may believe that it’s because of what is taking place externally. If they believe that is relates to what is taking place within them, it is likely to be more empowering than if they were to believe it is because of what is taking place externally.
However, if these two scenarios are put to one side for the time being, it is going to be incredibly frustrating to live life in this way, and they are likely to end up feeling hopeless. On one side, they have the need to be intimate, and on the other, this need is not being fulfilled.
This doesn’t mean they won’t have close friends or