Befuddlement and Confusion

download (11)Right when it seems that everything is on the right track traveling down the river of life at a safe but progressive speed, befuddlement and confusion tend to enter the drift. It may be a sudden decision that arises seemingly without warning, a change in the current upon which a family flows, or simply an idiosyncrasy of the moment. Some heal or adjust course almost immediately, others wait for the rapids, and some just never get with the same direction again, selecting a dead-end, no end channel to nowhere. Each brings change and challenge, growth and development of the individual’s heart and soul.

A sudden decision can toss befuddlement into the scene. My nephew recently exited an unhappy marriage. Although he is my nephew and so my prejudice may be obvious, it seemed like his ex-wife just did not enjoy the thrill and excitement of trying new things, going new places, and meeting new horizons. She definitely did not like her current life. And so after several years of attempting love, she left, moving back to her home state, taking the children, and leaving him his military career. Fortunately, he landed on both feet, resumed the best track for his long-term Marine commitment, and soon met a lovely woman with whom to share his life. Some family members were left in befuddlement and confusion over his seemingly quick decision and remarriage, but I only saw joy on his face and that of his new wife along with the smiles of his and her children. Advice would have pounded him from fifty directions if he had waited and asked, instead he chose his own path and we are now quite happy.

Sometimes the current upon which the family floats hits rough currents that jostle the group left and right. Another nephew who is a dedicated father and husband was tragically left when his wife chose her fully fit body and newfound friends over marital bliss. This exit includes her son, her dog, her home, many of her possessions along with her husband for dating, drinking, and finding herself. While I wish her luck, I am saddened by her extreme choice leaving the rest of us in astonishment and confusion. Just when we really thought we knew her, she became the unknown, taking a side tour while we flowed with the current. Fortunately again, my nephew is getting both feet underneath himself again as he recognizes the love and comfort his family extends. Why do truly nice people end up in such horrendous situations?

And then there is idiosyncratic behavior, that which defies understanding as it lacks logic and realism. Off of my nephews and onto a friend’s decisions that cause me to wonder. I helped her through the loss of her first husband, a kind man that I really did not know well. When she remarried it was at my house with my husband and I as witnesses. Her second husband was a longtime friend and so the four of us had a very comfortable relationship. Their marriage was brief as he died of lung cancer, but I was there in love and support. Imagine my surprise when I hear through the community grapevine that she has remarried (and why not) but I have never heard a word, even after several months, about this marital change or any of the other changes she has made. I wish her happiness and do not begrudge her status in any way, it just seems idiosyncratic with friendship. I am both befuddled and confused.

While all of these situations bring befuddlement and confusion, I also welcome the opportunity for change and challenge, growth and development. I have learned about adaptation and altering one’s route, making a break for a new life while true friends and family pick up the pieces and realign them with love, and I have had a wondrous study in friendship, stability, and revision of outlook and goals. Each of these produces an enriched mind and a degree of goodness as I refocus, rethink, and rearrange my life. I guess being befuddled and confused has many rewarding points.


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