Tag Archive | Grown Apart

Relationships: Should We Expect Our Friends To Accept Us If We Change?

download (3)When one has a friend who they connect with, it is going to come down to the fact that they enjoy being in their company. This doesn’t mean that they are ‘perfect’, but they are going to be ‘perfect’ for them.

If one was to take a closer look at why they enjoy being in their company, they may start to think about how they have certain things in common and they may have a similar outlook when it comes to different parts of their life. In this sense, what they have in common plays an important role in their friendship.

However, this doesn’t mean that they always agree or that they enjoy doing the same things. So while there are likely to be differences; what they have in common will be part of what allows them to maintain the connection they have.

Childhood Friends

One may have maintained a close relationship to people they have known since their childhood years, and they may say that old friends are the best friends.

As a result of this, not only will they have things in common and a similar outlook, they will also have shared many experiences over the years. This may cause one to see them as being part of their family as opposed to simply being friends.

An Instant Connection

Yet, to say that it takes years to develop a strong connection would be far from accurate, and this is because this is something that can happen in a relatively short time. One can spend their time with someone for a few minutes and soon come to the conclusion that the other person would be a good friend to have.

How the other person presents themselves is likely to have been a big part of why they appreciate them. They might also sense that the person they are talking to is someone they will get on with.

Two Levels

On one level then, there is how the other person comes across and this gives their mind something to work with, and on another, they can just feel connected to the other person without understanding why. Their mind can then have no idea why this is, but their body can have a greater understanding of what is occurring,

While the mind is looking for physical evidence, the body can pick up information about the other person at an energetic level. Therefore, it can take a little while for the mind to pick up on what the body already knows.

Old Friendships

If one has been friends with someone since their early years, it may be a sign that they haven’t changed much. Or if they have changed, it might also mean that their friend has also changed; it has then been possible for them to grow and for their friendship to remain.

One may also be in a position where they are no longer close to the people they were friends with during their early years. And while they may no longer live in the same area as them, this might not be the case.

Grown Apart

They may speak to them from time to time, but this could be about as far as their friendship goes. This could be because they are no longer the same person or it could be down to the fact that they have stayed the same and the people around them haven’t.

The friends they now have in their life are going to be people they have met during their adult years. But if they have a close connection to them, they may feel as though they have known them their whole life.

Change

If one was to change, they may find that the people they are closest to are supportive, and that they end up feeling even closer to them than they did before. When this happens, their life is likely to be a lot easier.

Through the changes they make, they may serve as a catalyst to others, and this means the people around them will be given the engorgement they need to change. In this case, not only will one benefit, the people around them will also benefit.

Resistance

Although the above may take place, there is also the chance that this won’t happen, and this means that the people around them will show their disapproval. Or if this is not how all of their friends respond, they may have at least one person who does respond in this way.

When this happens, they might end up feeling betrayed and as though their friend should accept them even though they have changed. And as the other person is someone they are close to, this could be seen as a perfectly normal response to have.

Conditional

However, what this shows is that the other person only accepted them while they were acting in a certain way, and now that they have changed, they no longer meet the other person’s conditions. This doesn’t mean the other person has thought about his consciously, as they might just start to feel uncomfortable around them.

The changes one has made might be ‘negative’, but then again, they may remind them of something they don’t want to face within themselves. Either way, it is not longer possible for them to show one the same level of acceptance that they showed them before.

Unconditional

Having friends who are unconditional may sound like the ideal scenario, but as adults we have things we accept and things we don’t accept. To be accepted unconditionally is something that can take place during one’s childhood years, and yet to expect this as an adult is only going to set one up to suffer unnecessarily.

For example: if one was friends with someone who started behave in a destructive way, for instance, they may no longer accept them. In order for one to look after their own wellbeing, it is not going to be possible for one to accept them unconditionally.

Awareness

To accept or to love someone unconditionally can sound like the ideal, but in reality, it is not possible. The acceptance human beings have for each other is based on certain conditions being fulfilled.

This is the only way for them to protect themselves and not only that, there may be times where it is important for them to withdraw their acceptance. Through doing this, it may encourage another person to stop doing something destructive.

If one does change and they experience a strong emotional reaction due to not being accepted unconditionally, it may be a sign that they have emotional work to do. The pain that arises may relate to unmet childhood needs, and these will need to be mourned.

The assistance of a therapist and/or a support group may be needed here.

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over seven hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include “A Dialogue With The Heart” and “Communication Made Easy.”